btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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