he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
