the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
