well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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