Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
