I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
