Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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