if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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