Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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