remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
