Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
