he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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