Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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