My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
