When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
