i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
