Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
