she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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