cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
