R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
