in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
