If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
