I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
