Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
