tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
third nipple confirmed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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