I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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