i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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