Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
