Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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