i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
