you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
