By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
