I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
