I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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