i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
