I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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