Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
