bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
