So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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