So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
