Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
