Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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