I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
