I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Watching her eat just hurts me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
