On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
