Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize