Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
