He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
