I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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