she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
