oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
