You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
