Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you made out with another girl for some wings
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