Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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