I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You smell like stripper and shame
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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