as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
