He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
