Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
