Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
