I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like abortions should bother me more
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
