through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
