Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
