sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
