maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
