I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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