Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
