So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
