i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize