I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
