No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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