At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
