Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we're making bets on your personal life
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
