The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you never un-have a 4some
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize