Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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