I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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