apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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